Tired

I have been so tired by the end of the week lately. I really hate working. I have a pretty good job and it's not the worst thing I could be doing, but it's really cutting into my baby daydreaming time. I'm not a fan. It's Thursday evening and I just got home from work and I am just mentally drained.

I so want to be home everyday with my dogs and eventually my baby. I think we're going to work really hard to make that happen, or at least so I only work a couple days a week. I'm such a homebody and the perfect life really does include being home w/ my family, cleaning, and cooking healthy meals. I hate that my house is always in a constant state of mess because I just don't have the energy at the end of the day to deal with it. And then when I do deal with it, it's only clean for a second and it goes right back to the way it was. I am trying really hard to work on this, but it's so easy to slip up and then it's like a landslide from there.

Anyway, I came home to my Old Navy package today. I ordered two more pairs of pants because I really prefer the full panel pants. Strangely enough, I'd consider these in between a demi panel and a full panel, but whatever - they are really, really cute. I will post pictures/links to what I got later on. I do have to send the jeans back though for the Small instead of the Extra Small. I'm pretty annoyed about that because 1. the khakis fit perfectly in the XS and 2. I used their measurement guide for the jeans and measured my hips. I definitely fit into the XS column in terms of the measurements they asked for. I could wear them if I had to, but they're pretty snug all around. I don't like my jeans super baggy so I'm hoping the small won't be like that, but I figure...I'm only going to get bigger, everywhere, from here on out, so I better play it safe and not keep the XS. The person inside me who lives for instant gratification really fought me on that one, but it needs to be done. I wish we had this stuff in our stores! I do get a thrill from shopping online, but I hate waiting for it to come and wondering if it's going to fit.

I've been really stressed about the nursery lately. I'm not sure why this is freaking me out so much. You'd think I'd be scared about, oh, I don't know, having a CHILD, but nope - no fears about that at all. But nursery decisions and wondering if I am making the right ones in terms of color scheme, decor, and overall look and I think I might need to be hospitalized if this goes on!

In high school I took a lot of interior design classes (our school was cool like that!) and even thought about going to college for that, but was too chicken to try it (it was a really competitive field in all of the universities around Michigan and I knew getting a good job would be hard), but a part of me always misses that. I think that's why I am having a hard time with this because I can see so many totally different ideas in my head that I really love. Anyway, I've come up w/ some new thoughts for the nursery to make it more for a girl if that is what our baby is. I can't believe we'll know in 2 weeks (hopefully!) I really will be shocked (but totally happy just the same) if it's a boy, so I've been looking at ways to girl up the navy and white nursery. My husband has to work late tonight so I'm going to put together a new/updated design board w/ some of those ideas and post it here later. Told you I was a homebody...it's amazing what is exciting and amusing to a girl like me! I hope ya'll will tell me what you think!

Speaking of that... I really love when people leave comments (okay, who doesn't?) But really, I have had so many people tell me that they enjoy my blog and it gives them a lot of ideas or things to think about and that means a lot to me. I really started doing this just for my peace of mind and to document this pregnancy since it's something so special to me, and I never imagined it would be helpful to so many people, so if you're one of them...speak up more! Don't be shy. :) Even if I don't "know" you, please post comments. (I know I am always afraid to post comments to random blogs I find, for fear of the blog owner going "who the hell is that and why is she stalking me", but I don't feel that way at all, so post away!)

In other news (this is a totally random blog it appears...) we start our birthing classes with our doula Monday night. I am looking forward to them and dreading them at the same time. They go until 10:00PM every Monday night for the next 8(?) weeks!!! When I first signed up I thought "sweet, I'll have my energy back by then, that's no big deal". Um yeah.... I hope I don't fall asleep, esp because they are 30 minutes away from our house and I have to leave for work at 7:30 the next morning. It really sucks. On the other hand, I am beyond excited to really learn about the whole process. I am terrified of the pain of a natural birth, but I am much more terrified of a medicated birth so there really is no winning! haha I think having my husband go will make him feel a lot more involved too. He loves when we have ultrasounds and stuff, but there is only so much he can feel a part of you know? He definitely doesn't care to talk about nursery decor 24/7 as I easily could these days! So they should be fun....assuming I stay awake.

No movement yet. I thought I might be feeling some flutters now since I'm in my 17th week and I have such a small torso so it's not like there's a lot of extra room in there, but nope. :( I know it's silly to worry since it could be perfectly normal to not feel anything for weeks, but as an early bloomer for everything so far, I can't help but be a little concerned. However, I have been using my Doppler about every other day, and lately I can tell the baby is moving because I'll find the heartbeat really, really well and keep it totally still and within seconds it's moved and I have to move the wand a bit to pick it up again. Then the same thing happens again and again. So that makes me think that everything is fine and our little peach IS busy moving around in there, even if I can't feel. I'm even quite sure that is my first "MOOOOOOM, I'm FINE, leave me alone". :)