Set Free and Scared

It's been over two weeks now since I've had confirmation of our little peach being okay and I am starting to become anxious. I ordered my Doppler last week and really thought it would be here by now, but it's not and I'm really annoyed. I really hope it comes tomorrow.

I have gone 2 days without taking my progesterone supplement b/c my Dr. told me I could stop after my first trimester and I just feel like we're all alone now. No more progesterone, no more acupuncture appointments weekly, no more doctors appointments every 2 weeks, etc. It's very scary. On one hand, I'm not sure I ever believed I'd even make it to my second trimester so I'm so incredibly thankful to be here, but it's like everyone said "ok you should be fine now so we're setting you free". Scary! I'd feel much better if I could hear the heartbeat at home when I wanted to so I think once the Doppler finally arrives things will be OK. Until then, well, this sucks a little.

But the good news is, I haven't had any changes since stopping the progesterone. I talked to many women who said they also didn't have changes, but of course I was still worried. I have taked progesterone in the past in order to give myself a period and always would bleed within a day or so of stopping the pills (that's the point), so it was really scary to me to just stop them even though I know I am not supposed to get a period this time. The irrational side of me couldn't help but think of that though.

Everything is a catch 22 with pregnancy. Last week when I was feeling a lot of pain and pulling I was scared something was wrong. The past few days I haven't felt much at all and of course THAT scares me. You just cannot win either way.

I got a new book the other night. It's actually been awhile since I bought one. I'm a book whore. Once I get into something I have to collect books about it. I have tons of books on infertility/PCOS, on knitting, etc. Now I have quite the pregnancy collection and since I feel I've completed that collection, I've moved on to baby books. But this book has a pregnancy section too so I am actually really glad I bought it already and didn't wait like I had planned.


I've heard a lot about this book and it's supposed to be the Bible for this stuff. So far I really like it. I read in it about a study they did on the chord blood in a bunch of newborns at the hospital and there were something like 280 chemicals, toxins, and pesticides found in the blood. How scary is that??? Makes me feel not so insane for wanting to only consume organic produce, meats, etc.

On that note and kind of not related to babies (although I guess a little)... I totally love it when I get ridiculed for my views (like organic, chemical free personal products, cleaning products, etc) and then that person finds out from a professional that it's actually a good idea to go that route for their particular problem. There's just something about karma that I am a huge fan of. I guess I don't feel so bad anymore for being made fun of awhile ago for this now.