I was really looking forward to today, but it's not turning out to be all it's cracked up to be.
First of all we met our doula this morning. That part was good. I don't know what I was expecting, but I guess I was a little surprised to see she is my age (possibly even a year or two younger). I don't know why I noted this, possibly my pregnancy hormones and just feeling fat, but she's totally adorable and has a great body. It made me feel a little uncomfortable for a minute (b/c I know I will be in an intimate state during labor), but I really think she will be beneficial for us and the fact that she is just starting out (and came w/ rave reviews) makes this something we can actually do now.
I am going to see her again in 2 weeks when I'll be just shy of 39 weeks...unless of course I call her earlier b/c I am in labor.
She reminded me to have my bag packed by now and start thinking about packing snacks, drinks, etc.
Then my husband and I went to my midwife appointment for this week... life went downhill from there.
I saw a midwife I have not yet seen (and only works part time, thank God, so the likelihood of her being on call is lower) and I was not a fan. She acted very much like an Ob to me. Granted, I realize I am not her primary patient, but you're a midwife - please don't just run down your list of questions and regurgitate the information you need to tell me. It was so cold and impersonal. It made me really miss Linda who was not available today. :(
Not only was her overall demeanor severely lacking (even my husband noticed), but she was the first person to mention my weight to me this entire time. I'm 2 days shy of 37 freaking weeks pregnant and you're going to mention my weight. Yes, I realize I've gained in the neighborhood of 40-something pounds, but you don't need to make me feel like shit about it. It's not like I am approaching 100 lbs, or even 60 lbs! I think for someone with PCOS (hard to lose weight, easy to put on weight) I am doing okay and yes, for the only time in my life right now I am not having to worry about my weight and overeating, so I am going to enjoy it a little. Did she even bother to ASK me what my diet was like? Yeah I've indulged in dessert a bit more since being pregnant, but I'm generally pretty good about eating decent, healthy foods and don't totally fill my body with crap. Wouldn't it have been more beneficial to talk to a 37 week pregnant girl you've never met before about just eating healthy and having a conversation about healthy foods and encourage me to eat like that (if she didn't think I was)?
Then she asks me about my plans for birth control after I have the baby. I realize this is usually pretty standard, but I think the fact that you're not my primary midwife you really could have just left it at something as simple as "have you thought about it or starting talking about it with Linda?" or whatever. But no. She totally disregards what I tell her about having PCOS "so I don't ovulate on my own and we're excited to see if this kick starts my body into ovulating like I've heard it can (pregnancy)". But no, seriously? She goes on to make a freaking rehearsed commercial for the Mirena (sp?) IUD or something, all different hormonal pills, etc. Lady, I am sitting in your exam room and have just finished telling you I don't even take Tylenol for a headache and am having a midwife/natural birth and you think I want to stuff my vagina full of hormones and fake shit? Or did you miss the fact that my body doesn't freaking ovulate so birth control is the last thing on my mind right now. Or since I told you I have PCOS and don't ovulate, couldn't you conclude that I might have needed a bit of help to get pregnant and that I probably know a lot about how my body works and understand all of this without you talking to me like a pregnant 16 year old who you are afraid is going to leave the hospital and get knocked up again?
Needless to say, she really pissed me off. There were other, smaller things too, but I just really did not like her, nor did my husband. She wanted to schedule me for my next appointment in 10-14 days. Ummmm I'm 37 weeks pregnant - I'm not waiting TWO WEEKS for my next appointment. So I went out and scheduled more appointments, all about one week out, but NONE of them are with Linda. On one hand it's fine b/c I will meet two more midwives who could possibly be on call and will see a 3rd who I've met once before and liked a lot. Still, between the bad midwife I saw today and realizing that Linda could very well not be delivering Lucas (which I knew, I guess I just didn't worry about it b/c I figured they were all good, but now I'm scared) NOR would I be even seeing Linda for another appointment most likely now it was too much to handle. I cried all the way down stairs and in the parking lot. A lot.
Now I am even more happy we are going to have a doula there since I'm definitely not comfortable with the midwife I saw today and there is a small chance she could be there. UGH.
On a positive note, my husband took my car for a car wash today (never get those!) and vacuumed it out so he could install the car seat! We just need to have it inspected, but we're good to go!
A String On Double Bass
5 years ago
This sounds like almost the exact same experience I had about 2 weeks ago. There are 4 midwives in my practice and I had an appt with one that I haven't seen since the very beginning. The first thing she does when I tell her I'm planning a natural birth using hypnobabies she starts talking to me about researching options for pain meds AND c-section. So far from the care I was used to with all the other midwives. I was devastated and cried after the appt. Anyway...I completely understand where you are coming from and I hope your follow-up appts are better (mine was)!!
ReplyDeleteHey girl, sorry you had a bad day, but about the Birthcontrol. I know if you want to try after that is awesome, b/c I have to heard it kicks starts women with PCOS, I have it too. Took us 1.5 years, and Clomid, then Femera and HCG shots. I am on Birth Control b/c it controls PCOS. I not sure if you looked into at all. After my first child my daughter, my PCOS got worse. I wouldn't have a period with BC. So after the twins I went straight too it. It controls the weight gain and acne. I got both without it. When I went of Birthcontrol after the wedding to try, I gained, fifty lbs and my face still has scars from that acne. My face is clear as can be and I am losing again. I know that women sucked, but don't not look into it just b/c she was the one to suggest it. I wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteDo you have the option of voicing that you don't wish to work with her, if it can be avoided? I'm not suggesting that you call her out for anything (that would be awkward) but is there any one to whom you can say, "I felt we didn't really mesh very well, and seeing as this is such an intimate, personal experience, I'd prefer not to have her there at my delivery unless it's absolutely necessary." Then, perhaps if it came down to "who should we send?" it might influence the decision (if more than one is avaialable)?
ReplyDeleteAlso - husband could totally make that call and then you could pretend you didn't even know about it and it might make things less awkward...?
I don't know, perhaps that won't work, just trying to come up with a helpful suggestion. I hope you end up with someone you like!
Thanks everyone!
ReplyDeleteLaura - yeah, it's just so frustrating when you feel like someone isn't even hearing what you are saying at all, esp when they are supposed to be more on the natural side as a midwife vs. an Ob.
Tammy - I have been on birth control for about 8 years and while it controls PCOS symptoms, it doesn't fix it and I don't feel comfortable putting all that unnatural stuff in my body. I think it really masked my PCOS and possibly made it worse for so long that I am very cautious about ever going back on that. I'd rather try to control it with more natural things like herbs and diet if I can. Yeah, it would make you have a period, but your body is still not ovulating and working as it should on the pill. I guess we'll see what happens after the birth and go from there!
centerlight - I hadn't thought of that, but I may ask at my next appointment (if I like that midwife) and just kind of feel her out for how it works about who is on call, etc. I am pretty sure the MW I didn't care for is only part time so the chances of her being the one are lower than a lot of the others, but at the same time I think just 1 midwife is "on call" at a time so if it IS her, then we may be SOL. I will check into that though! :)
Hey Jenny, I have my MW appointment tomorrow with Emma - I'll *try to remember* to ask about the situation in general terms and see what scenarios come up. I thought there was one main midwife on call - but one who is supposed to be a backup if necessary. But don't worry - you'll have your birth plan, and your husband, and your doula - all of which will advocate what you want. Hopefully that lady was just having an off day and hasnt' adjusted yet to what the Midwives here stand for?? Lets hope!
ReplyDeleteI hope it works out :)
ReplyDeleteAlso - A thought about the Mirena IUD: it's all the rage right now, so it can seem a bit cult-ish, but I actually have one and the reason I got it was due to similar reservations about hormonal BC. Mirena is also hormonal, but the way it was explained to me is that it's a much lower amount in your system because it's so localized. I couldn't be on the pill because the hormones messed me up pretty badly (depression, yeast infections, eliminated my libido, etc) and the Mirena doesn't have any of those side effects for me.
Not suggesting you should get one, but just some food for thought! I've had a few problems with it as well, so it's not perfect, but it's been a nice comprimise for me.